Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
