I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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