i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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