Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
