she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
