You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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