it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk is not a location!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
