i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
