honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
