also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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