I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
