I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
