Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
