anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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