My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
