Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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