You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
