this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
