I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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