I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
