If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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