Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
