update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
