I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
