i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
