He kissed a someone with a penis
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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