remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
