anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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