Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
