You're so nebulous sometimes
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
