Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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