Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The uberlube is also flammable
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
