i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
