Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
