theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
