(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The Olympian is in my bed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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