big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
