The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
