so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
