he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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