Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
