My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
