I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
