I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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