kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
worst night to have a conscience
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
