That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
