I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
