put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
