Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
