I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
