Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
