If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
