Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
