you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
