You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
